As the seasons change, we are often reminded that change is a natural part of life.
The Autumn Equinox marks a moment when day and night are almost equal — a brief point of balance between light and darkness. From here, the days gradually become shorter and the nights longer.
For many people, autumn can feel like a season of transition. The warmth and light of summer begin to fade, the leaves change colour and fall, and nature begins to let go.
There can be something deeply reflective about this time of year.
For someone experiencing grief, these themes of change, darkness, letting go and finding a new sense of balance can feel particularly significant.
When life changes
Grief can change so much more than the absence of the person we have lost.
It can change our routines, relationships, sense of identity and the way we imagine our future.
Things that once felt familiar may suddenly feel different.
There may be practical changes to navigate, as well as the emotional impact of living with loss. Everyday routines can feel strange. Special occasions, anniversaries and seasonal traditions can bring unexpected waves of grief.
Sometimes it can feel as though the world has continued moving while your own world has stood still.
And yet, gradually, life continues to change.
Grief isn't only about death
When we hear the word grief, we often think about the death of someone we love.
But grief can follow many different kinds of loss.
We can grieve the loss of our health, our independence, a relationship, a friendship or a way of life we once knew. We might grieve the loss of a career, a home, a sense of security, a future we had imagined, or the person we thought we would become.
Sometimes there is no funeral, no sympathy card and no clear moment when other people recognise that we are grieving.
Yet the feelings can still be very real.
There may be sadness, anger, loneliness, confusion or a sense that something important has been taken away.
And sometimes these losses can be particularly difficult because we may question whether we are “allowed” to grieve.
But grief isn't defined only by death.
Where there has been meaningful loss, there can be grief.
Recognising this can be an important part of understanding what we are experiencing. It can help us give ourselves permission to acknowledge the loss, rather than feeling that we should simply carry on as though nothing has changed.
Living with both darkness and light
One of the difficult things about grief is that it doesn't always look the way we expect it to.
There may be days when the sadness feels overwhelming. Then, perhaps unexpectedly, something makes us laugh. We might enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend, hear a piece of music we love, spend time in nature or simply have a day where things feel a little easier.
Sometimes these moments of light can bring complicated feelings.
Can I really be happy when I am grieving?
Does laughing mean I am moving on?
Am I forgetting them?
But experiencing moments of happiness does not mean that we have stopped loving or missing the person we have lost.
Grief and joy can exist alongside one another.
We can miss someone deeply and still enjoy a moment.
We can feel sadness and gratitude.
We can carry pain while also experiencing connection, laughter and hope.
Perhaps this is one of the lessons that the changing seasons can offer us: life doesn't have to be entirely light or entirely dark.
Finding a new sense of balance
When we talk about balance, it can sometimes sound as though we should be able to find the perfect point where everything feels manageable.
Grief rarely works that way.
There may be days when we feel more grounded and days when we feel as though we are struggling again. Progress can feel less like a straight line and more like moving through changing seasons.
Finding balance after loss may be about discovering small things that help us feel grounded.
It might be returning to a familiar routine.
Getting outside.
Making time for people who understand.
Finding ways to remember the person we have lost.
Allowing ourselves to rest.
Giving ourselves permission to feel whatever is there without judging it.
And sometimes, it may mean asking for support.
How counselling can help
Counselling cannot take away the pain of grief, nor should it try to.
Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something important to us.
But having a safe space to talk can make it possible to begin to understand what has happened and how it has affected us.
Therapy can provide a place where there is no need to put on a brave face.
A place where sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, relief, love and even moments of happiness can all be spoken about without judgement.
It can also be a space to explore how life has changed and what it might mean to begin finding your way through this new landscape.
There may be no going back to the life we had before.
Instead, counselling can support us as we gradually discover how to move forward while continuing to carry the person we have lost — or the life we have lost — with us.
The changing seasons
The Autumn Equinox reminds us that there is a rhythm to change. Light gives way to darkness, darkness eventually gives way to light, and the seasons continue to turn.
Grief can sometimes feel like an endless winter. But grief, too, changes over time. This doesn't mean that we forget. It doesn't mean that the person becomes less important. And it certainly doesn't mean that there is a point where we should be “over” our grief.
Perhaps healing is less about leaving grief behind and more about learning how to live alongside it. Finding moments of light without feeling guilty for them.
Allowing the darkness to be there when it comes. And gradually discovering that both can exist within the same life.
Taking the first step
If you are experiencing bereavement, grief or another significant loss and finding the changes difficult to navigate, you don't have to make sense of it all alone. Sometimes having someone alongside you can help you find your way through the changing seasons of grief.
I offer face-to-face counselling from within Plympton Therapy Rooms, as well as online and telephone sessions, depending on what feels most comfortable for you.
I offer all new clients a free initial telephone call. This is simply an opportunity for us to have a gentle chat, for you to ask any questions you may have, hear a little about how I work and, most importantly, have a sense of what it feels like to talk to me.
There is never any obligation to book a counselling session afterwards. The choice is completely yours.
If you feel ready to take that first step, I would be very happy to hear from you.
Be gentle with yourself in this season.
www.oceansbreezecounselling.co.uk
