When we think about love, we often think of the love we give to others - our partners, friends, children, even our pets. But how often do we stop and ask: Do I love myself? And more importantly, what does loving myself actually look like?
The Way We Speak to Ourselves
One of the clearest signs that we struggle with self-love is how we speak to ourselves. Most of us are far more critical of ourselves than we would ever dream of being toward anyone else. We make a small mistake and immediately label ourselves as "stupid" or "useless". Yet if our best friend came to us with the same situation, we'd offer compassion, understanding, and reassurance.
This inner dialogue matters. If the voice inside your head constantly tears you down, it's no wonder your self-esteem suffers. Loving yourself starts with noticing that voice - and gently challenging it.
The Journey to Self-Love
The road to loving yourself isn't always smooth. It's not about simply waking up one day and declaring, "I love myself now". It's a journey - a process of self discovery, healing, and learning that you are enough, just as you are.
As we grow up, we absorb messages from family, school, media, and relationships that shape how we view ourselves. Many of us carry silent beliefs that we are "too much", "not enough" or "unworthy". Part of loving yourself means examining those beliefs and deciding whether they still serve you - or whether it's time to let them go.
You Already Hold What You Admire
Have you ever looked at someone and admired their kindness, confidence, or humour? Often, we notice these qualities in others because we value them - and because they already exist in us. We just struggle to see it. The traits we're drawn to in others are often mirrors of our own potential, waiting to be recognised.
Counselling can help shine a light on these hidden parts of yourself. It's not about changing who you are - it's about rediscovering what's already within you.
Why Compliments Can Be So Difficult
If you've ever awkwardly laughed off a compliment or responded with "Oh, this old thing?" when someone says you look nice, you're not alone. Many of us feel uncomfortable receiving praise. We downplay it, dismiss it, or deflect it entirely.
But think about it like this: imagine someone gives you a beautiful bunch of flowers. Would you say, "No thanks," and hand them back? Or would you smile, say thank you, and put them in a vase to enjoy? Compliments are like flowers - they're meant to be received. What would happen if you simply said, "Thank you" next time someone offers kind words?
How Self-Love Affects Your Whole Life
Loving yourself isn't selfish. It's foundational. When we treat ourselves with kindness and respect, it ripples into every area of our lives.
- In relationships, we set healthier boundaries and attract people who value us.
- In work, we feel more confident in our abilities and more resilient when things don't go to plan.
- In our environment, we begin to notice beauty around us - sunlight through the trees, a stranger's smile, moments of calm.
Self-love brings clarity. It softens how we see the world and opens our eyes to joy we may have overlooked.
Starting to Be Kinder to Ourselves
So, how can we begin to be less self-critical?
- Notice the voice in your head. Is it helpful or hurtful?
- Talk to yourself like a friend. Would you say those words to someone you care about?
- Keep a compliment journal. When someone says something kind, write it down. Revisit it when you're struggling.
- Practise receiving. Next time someone praises you, try just saying "Thank you." See how that feels.
How Counselling Can Help
Counselling offers a safe space to explore your inner world without judgement. It can help you unpick the reasons you're so hard on yourself, challenging the beliefs that hold you back, and build a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Together, we can explore your strengths, understand your patterns, and support you in becoming your own ally - not your harshest critic.
If you're ready to take that first step, I'd be honoured to walk alongside you.
Further Reading:
If you're interested in learning more about self-compassion, this article by Dr.Kristin Neff - a pioneer in the field - offers a helpful breakdown of what it means to treat ourselves with kindness. Link - Exploring the Meaning of Self-Compassion and its importance
You are not too broken. You are not too much. You are simply human, learning to love the person you've always been.
