Loneliness can be one of the most painful and invisible experiences a person can go through. It doesn't always look like isolation or silence. Sometimes, it shows up when we are surrounded by others - at a party, at work, or in our own home. We might smile, join in, and still feel an aching disconnection inside.
According to the Campaign to end Loneliness, over 3 million people in the UK say they often feel lonely - and it can have the same health impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. You can read more about the wider impact of loneliness here.
During Loneliness Week it is important to talk openly about why so many people feel lonely - and what can help.
Why Loneliness Happens
Loneliness is not just about not having people around. It's about feeling unseen, disconnected, or as though there is no one we can truly talk to. Sometimes it stems from life changes - like moving into a new place, going through a break up, or becoming a parent. Other times it's rooted in deeper emotional wounds like:
- Social anxiety, where being around others feeling overwhelming or draining.
- Low self-esteem, making it hard to believe we're likeable or worthy of connection.
- Bullying or past rejection, which teaches us to fear being hurt again.
- Bereavement, where loosing someone dear leaves a gap no one else seems to fill.
Grief in particular can bring an intense and unique kind of loneliness. We not only miss the person we've lost, their voice, their presence, their place in our life - but we might also feel like the world has moved on whilst we're still hurting. Friends may not know what to say. Conversations feel shallow. And in the silence loneliness grows.
The Social Media Illusion
In today's connected world, we might assume people are more linked than ever - and yet loneliness is on the rise. Scrolling through curated posts and happy snap shots can make us feel even more isolated. We wonder Why can't I feel that close to someone? What's wrong with me?
But what we see online often hides what's really going on. Many people feel lonely - they just don't talk about it. And that silence can deepen the shame.
Friendship and Mental Health
Strong, mindful friendships can act as a protective factor for our mental health. Having someone who listens, remembers our stories, and cares about how we're really doing can really ease anxiety, lift moods, and remind us we matter. But when we've been hurt in the past, opening up again might feel too risky.
We may second-guess ourselves constantly:
"Did I say too much?"
"They haven't text back - did I annoy them?"
"They seem off - are they angry with me?"
It's exhausting. And it keeps us guarded, even when what we long for the most is connection.
How Therapy Can Help
Counselling offers a space to begin healing those patterns. It's a place where you don't have to put on a brave face or "make sense" to others. A good therapist will listen without judgement, helping you:
- Understand where your loneliness stems from
- Grieve losses that haven't had space to be processed
- Unpick the fear of rejection or the need to "perform" socially
- Build confidence in how you relate to others
- Take things less personally when relationships feel uncertain
- Feel braver showing up authentically in social setting
It can be especially powerful to explore the friendships (or lack of them) you've experienced in childhood or adolescence. Were you bullied? Left out? Criticised or compared? These early experiences often shape how safe we feel with others later in life.
Counselling also provides a kind of relational rehearsal - practising being open, honest, and seen in a space that feels emotionally safe. Over time, that confidence can ripple out into other areas of your life.
If You're Grieving
If you're grieving the loss of someone close, loneliness may feel especially sharp. You're not just missing the person - you're missing what they brought to your life; understanding, humour, history, unconditional presence. That kind of loss can leave a silence that's hard to describe to others.
Counselling offers space to sit with that silence. To speak the unspeakable. to remember, mourn, and make sense of life without that person in it. It doesn't take the pain away - but it helps carry it differently, and can reduce the isolation that often comes with grief.
Reaching Out Is Brave
If you're feeling lonely, know this: you are not broken. Loneliness isn't a personal failing - it's a signal, a need for connection, safety and belonging. And you deserve that.
Whether you want to make new friends, feel more confident socially, or just need someone to talk to with judgement - counselling can help. It's not about "fixing" you, but about creating space to understand yourself better and gently move toward the connection you long for.
This Loneliness Awareness Week, let's speak more openly about the quiet struggles so many carry. Let's challenge the stigma and honour the bravery it takes to say "I feel lonely." Because from there, healing begins.
If you'd like to explore how counselling could support you in feeling more connected - to others, and to yourself - I offer a free initial telephone call where we can talk about what you need and how I might help. Please visit Ocean's Breeze Counselling In Plymouth/ Online counselling in Devon to get in touch.
