We often speak about kind to others, but how often do we consider the kindness we offer ourselves? Self-esteem is the way we view and value ourselves - it shapes how we move through the world, how we form relationships, and how we respond to life's challenges.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is our internal sense of worth. It's not about arrogance or inflated ego - it's about believing that we are inherently valuable, that we matter. A healthy self-esteem gives us the resilience to navigate setbacks, the confidence to pursue goals, and the courage to say no when something doesn't feel right.
But self-esteem isn't fixed. It can rise and fall depending on life experiences, relationships, and the messages we receive - from others and from ourselves.
How We Become Unkind to Ourselves?
Negative self-talk often creeps in quietly. Maybe it starts with a small mistake, a bit of criticism from someone, or a comparison to others. Over time, we might internalize these messages and begin to treat ourselves with less kindness and compassion.
We start saying things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to a friend:
- "I'm not good enough."
- "I always mess things up."
- "Why would anyone care what I think?"
This kind of inner dialogue can become a daily routine, often without us even noticing.
The Weight of Negative Self-Beliefs
When we constantly feed ourselves negative thoughts, they start to feel like facts. They influence the choices we make, the risks we avoid, and the joy we let oursleves feel. Low self-esteem can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from who we truly are.
It's like trying to fill a cup with holes in it - no matter how much good comes our way, it never feels like enough.
The Power of Being Kind to Ourselves
The good news is that self-esteem can be rebuilt. And it begins with self-kindness.
Being kind to ourselves doesn't mean ignoring areas we want to grow - it means choosing to speak to ourselves with the same empathy, understanding, and patience we'd offer to someone we care about.
Here are a few ways to start:
- Notice your inner critic. Start paying attention to the tone and content of your self-talk. Awareness is the first step.
- Challenge the story. Ask yourself, "Would I say this to someone I love?" If not, try rephrasing it with compassion.
- Celebrate small wins. Self-esteem grows in small, daily, affirmations. Every time you honour a boundary, complete a task, or show up for yourself, acknowledge it.
- Surround yourself with kindness. People who reflect your worth and remind you of your value can be powerful mirrors.
- Seek support. Counselling can help you understand where your self-esteem wounds began and guide you in healing them.
If you'd like to explore this topic further, Mind offers a fantastic resource on self-esteem. Their guide covers how low self-esteem develops, how it can affect your mental health, and practical steps to start rebuilding your self-worth. They also include links to additional organisations and helplines, so you're not alone on this journey.
Final Thoughts
Think of building self-esteem like nurturing a garden. It takes intention, patience, and care. Some days will feel easier than others, and that's okay. What matters is your commitment to tending to yourself with kindness and respect.
You are not the sum of your mistakes, your bad days, or your inner critic's voice. You are worthy of love, care, and compassion - especially from yourself.
You're Not Alone - Support is Available
If this blog has resonated with you and you're ready to start working on your self-esteem, I currently have availability on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for face-to-face counselling in Plymouth, as well as online sessions via Zoom.
I truly enjoy working with individuals who are ready to explore their self-worth, reconnect with who they are, and take steps towards living with more confidence and compassion. It's incredibly rewarding to witness people start to value themselves again and move forward with greater clarity and strength.
If you'd like to talk more about how we could work together, please don't hesitate to get in touch. I offer a free initial call and would love to hear from you.
